No mom is free of escaping the guilt of going back to work after having a child. This is normal. What’s not normal is constantly beating yourself up about it.
The hardest job in the world is being a stay-at-home mom, hands down and I don’t care what anyone has to say. However, I never wanted that life.
I yearned to be a career-oriented woman making my own money but I didn’t know how to remove the guilt of going to work after giving birth. The idea gave me major separation anxiety. I didn’t think anyone would love and attend to their needs like me, including my mother-in-law who had ten children.
Looking back on it now, I see that I was delusional. If you ask me, I think giving birth screws with a woman’s mentality. Our reality gets distorted and all rational thinking is tossed out the window.
Luckily, I was blessed to find a wonderful private daycare provider who treated my children so well that she became a lifelong friend to my family. This made it easy to transition back into the workforce and lifted the heavy burden off my shoulders.
Managing work and home was difficult. After working an eight-hour day, I would put on my “Supermom” uniform and begin to do all the chores in preparation for the next day. I cooked dinner, I helped with homework, and at the end of the night, I was exhausted.
I didn’t realize that overcompensation was forming into my kryptonite. I was feeling remorse about choosing my career over my children. I had to keep up the persona that my home and family life was perfect or I would lose my superpowers.
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OMG! When I saw this I swooned and sent it to my hubby.
We’re going to try this for November and see how it goes.
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We’re not a young couple so we don’t know what the outcome could be, although me and #mademynight are happy with playing UNO and drinking cider, giggling.
Watch “Laff Mobb’s Laff Tracks – When People Question Your Ability to be a Good Mother ft. Meshelle | truTV” on YouTube #motownmom
The results are not entirely clear. There are studies which do find negative impacts – that the children of holocaust survivors, for example, can experience emotional problems of their own, difficulties in relationships, in the way they function. Researchers in Northern Ireland concluded that the transmission of trauma to children of victims of the Troubles made them more prone to developing toxic stress in childhood. But some research has ended up in an entirely different place, finding that trauma in a parents’ life can lead to higher resilience in children. And yet more studies have concluded that there is no clear effect whatsoever.
Women aren’t broken if they can’t have children.
I felt as if someone had raided my body and pummeled my heart until it bled and broke. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think.
Hell, it hurt to live.
I couldn’t fathom what had just happened. Mere hours ago, there had been a living being inside of me. I’d heard her heartbeat. I’d seen her on the ultrasound. I’d even felt her kick as she shuffled within my womb. I’d fantasized about her beautiful bright eyes, her smile, her chortle, the way she’d feel in my arms when I first held her, and the incredible and sacred mission of raising her.
The notion of having a child after trying so hard was both nerve-wracking and exhilarating. Every time I traced my hands across my belly, an indescribable wave of compassion, delight, and longing flooded through my body, warming me with the certainty that I’d do everything in my power to ensure a good life for her.
And now? Now there was emptiness. Abysmal loss. Anger. Maddening sadness. Despair.