Easy Ways To A Better Life #motownmom #selfcare 🧬🌏💘

Want a better life?

Big changes are difficult, and take time, but there are many easy steps you can take right now. Take many steps, even small ones, and pretty soon you’re getting somewhere.

A Better Life Today

It’s easy just to look, right?

Start looking for specific ways to make your life better, and to improve yourself. Even if you don’t accomplish anything immediately, you are preparing yourself. Thinking about change sets your mind and your motivation in motion.

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You’re not looking for an excuse to avoid difficult tasks, but you wouldn’t expect to quit cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine and complaining all at once, right? Just make things better today, in any small way. Seeing results will motivate you for the more difficult steps. Consider some of the following simple actions.

1. Write down some things you’d like to change. This makes the possibility more real, and gets your mind working. Eventually you can make this “wish list” into real goals, with a specific plan.
2. Close your eyes and breath deeply through your nose, whenever you feel stressed. Stress is one of the biggest impediments to a better life. Simple stress-management techniques like this can help a lot, if you make them a habit.
3. List the good things you’ve got. This may seem trite, but a good mood makes life better. Ever buy a van and start seeing vans everywhere? The same thing happens when you buy an idea. Imagine how it will affect your frame of mind to start seeing good things everywhere.

I could go on, but I don’t know what your goals and needs are. The point here is to get you thinking, and then taking whatever actions you can. If you thought about the whole process, you might never build a house, but it’s easy to nail one board in place, right? (And then one more, and one more…)

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Develop A Belief System That Works For You #motownmom #selfcare 💌🤟🏿

It is interesting to note that most of society is free.

There is a percentage of the populous that is incarcerated for crimes against society. So too, are there people who live in political cultures that do not value the freedom of its’ people. Nevertheless, the majority of the people in the world live in relative freedom. They can choose whom they marry, what they do for a living, and where they live. Most societies allow their people to move around freely without restraint. As long as an individual is obeying the laws, that person has wide latitude in conduct.

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The freedoms offered by governments are physical freedoms that all its’ law abiding members enjoy. However, many operate in a “prison like” atmosphere regardless of what they are given. This prison does not exist on the material plane. Rather, it is a creation of the mind. It is manufactured from an individual’s belief system. These beliefs become people’s jailers.

Most will tell you that they can think for themselves. To suggest that they are incapable of creating their own ideas is met with an overwhelming attitude to the contrary. All their success, experiences, and intelligence give a sense of independence. They mistakenly believe that their belief systems is of their own making. Unfortunately for them, it is not.

A fundamental concept to creating the life that you desire is to create a belief system that works for you. Contrary to what most think, our beliefs systems are shaped by the influences around us. Teachers, parents, friends, co-workers, and institutions all have input into the beliefs that we live by. Have you ever noticed how children’s ideas often reflect those of their parents? This is so common that political organizations poll school children during Presidential elections because they accurately reflect the sentiment of the adults.

The governments of the world are masters at shaping the belief system of its’ people. Through the use of propaganda, public opinion is swayed based upon the desires of those in power. This is often done in the name of nationalism. A group of people is established as a threat to the society. Events are shown to validate this viewpoint while creating the emotional dislike towards that group. Thus, the government is free to act as it see fit with the full support of its people. Unfortunately, most people do not have firsthand experience to form a solid conclusion. Of course, they will defend their belief even though that are not certain where it came from.

It is common for people and organizations to manipulate other’s beliefs for the sake of control. The government is one example. Some religions throughout history has acted in a similar manner. They used threat of an angry Deity and eternal damnation to control the masses. There were numerous instances where the Church of England was the most powerful organization in Europe. With a following that is under control, it is much easier to maintain influence. Naturally, there are many denominations where this is not the case. So, too, are their many people who’s lives are enhanced by their religious affiliation. Unfortunately, this is not true in all instances.

The key to a belief systems is creating one that works for you. As an adult, you have the freedom to believe anything that you desire. Spending time questioning where some of your beliefs came from is healthy. It is also effective to determine whether they still work for you. If they assist you into being happy, joyous, and free, then they are worthwhile. However, when they instill pain, perhaps it is time to rethink them.

Ironically, the beliefs that seem to cause the most chaos in people’s lives come from those who love us the most. Many individuals suffer from psychological disorders due to the influences of their parents. Things such as low self esteem, abandonment, and sexual issues all come from our upbringing. Typically, one who suffer from any of these, was made to feel guilty and shameful. Their worth was shown to be tied to their performance which never was good enough. Mistakes were not forgiven but something to be used as a weapon to make the other feel worse. All this was done as a form of control.

Leap forward 20 years and you find that a person who grew up in this atmosphere often still carries these beliefs. Even though recent experiences will prove to the contrary, the individual still hears the words of the parent. It affects the relationships with friends, lovers, coworkers, and oneself. Without some help, the person is often incapable of healthy interaction with others. There is a degree of sickness in all that is done. Thus, the individual turns to other things to fill that void that exists whether it is drugs, alcohol, sex, or food. However, if the belief system was viewed as insane, the person might be apt to change it. Simply altering a few of the basic beliefs one holds regarding oneself miraculously changes life.

The more that we can accept that it is likely that what we believe came from other, the better our chances are of attaining freedom. There are many things that were taught to us by others growing up which serve us well. This is especially true if we were raised in a loving home. However, society being as selfish as it is, there is much that stands in our way of happiness. Analyzing our belief system gets to the root of what motivates us. A system that contains a great deal of fear will cause one to often act out of that fear. The opposite is also true. To create ‘our’ life, it begins with creating ‘our’ own belief system.

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Can You Say Yes To Happiness : 11 Practical Steps You Can Take To Make It Really Happen 💪🏿💘#motownmom

Think about it … every single thing we do is intended to make us happier.

And yet sometimes we get diverted and do things that actually move us away from this goal.

We all have the potential for genuine happiness. There is no gene or DNA marker that determines who will be happy and who will not. We make choices throughout our lives, and the result of all these choices combined, determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours.

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Here are just a sampling of some of the tactics we can employ in an 11-point roadmap to help guide us toward genuine happiness:

1. Look For The Positive In Everything: There is an old saying that nothing is inherently good or bad—what makes it one or the other, is merely your reaction to it. Find the positive and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation, how ever bad it may seem to others.
2. Accentuate The Positive: We all grow up with a “positivity imbalance”—the result of society’s norms and rules being based on restriction and punishment more than approval and reward. From a young age we are taught what we must not do instead of what we may do. Even in day-to-day life, there is more negative influence that positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance. Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Look for things you find uplifting, that make you happy. Get more of that! At the same time, reduce your exposure to negative input, whether it is the daily news, or people you don’t feel good around. You know your buttons…make sure the positive ones are pushed more than the negative.
3. Practice Good Selfishness: When we were young we were taught that putting our interests before those of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women, many of whom sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the corporate world where the good of the company is considered more important than the good of the individual. It is good to help others, yet we should have boundaries to protect ourselves from being manipulated or abused by others. You are important, and if you don’t look after yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually, you cannot expect anyone else to do so.
4. Listen To Your Feelings: All feelings are good. Every feeling occurs for a reason: it is delivering a message. Sometimes that message is pleasant, other times not. Our tendency is to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings, often through smoking, drinking or drugs of one kind or another. When you feel bad, avoid distracting yourself, and identify the reason—there is some need not being met.
5. Give Of Yourself: The more you give, the more you receive. There is probably no scientific study proving this to be so, but unconditional giving is hugely rewarding. It seems that the more of yourself you give, the greater the thrill and uplifting effect on your psyche. Help the needy. Give time if you can. Give anonymously, even if you lose the tax deduction!
6. Make It Happen: You have the ability to make things happen using your mind. Top sports stars, and business people use it, and so can you. There are many ways of doing this; one of the common methods is to use visualization—getting a picture in your mind of whatever it is that you want to happen. It does not actually have to be a visual picture; it could be a feeling, a smell, a sound, or any combination of the senses. Imagine finding the perfect parking near the entrance as you arrive at the supermarket or mall … the sky is the limit, but persevere! We are not used to utilizing this tool, so it takes practice.
7. Accept The Things You Cannot Change: We resist things we don’t like, and often expend a tremendous amount of energy on this resistance. Whilst this can be good, and has resulted in tremendous advances through history, we should work to understand those things we cannot change, and then move on. Rather use the saved energy on something more worthwhile and productive. This is not to say that you should complacently accept anything. If you truly desire change, you should work towards that change; but spending time worrying about something without actively working to change it is unproductive and damaging to your wellbeing.
8. Take Responsibility For Your Choices: Everything that you do, or don’t do, is because of choices you make (or don’t make). It is easier and convenient to blame outside causes for things that go wrong in life, but your life is the sum of all the choices you make along the way—sometimes that choice it to let somebody else make a choice on your behalf. If you tend to blame other people or things, it may be scary to take responsibility for what happens in your life, but it is really quite liberating because instead of seeing yourself as an effect of outside forces, you realize you are the cause of everything good you achieve. Don’t abdicate responsibility for your life.
9. Schedule Regular “Self Time”: Spend some time analyzing where you are in life, your strengths and weaknesses. How can you turn the latter into the former? Think about your views on everything from your job to global warming and the existence of aliens—then work out why you feel the way you do. Is your reasoning sound? The better you understand yourself, the better you understand the world.
10. Make Time To Meditate: We spend almost all our time thinking of the past or planning for the future. We seldom spend time in the present. It has reached a point where, for most of us, it seems impossible to keep our focus on what is happening right now. Your meditation could be formal meditation or prayer, but it could be as simple as merely focusing on each breath as it goes in and out for five or ten minutes, dismissing past and future thoughts as they arise—and they will!
11. Remove Your Limitations: When we fail, usually the reason is simply because we don’t believe we are able or worthy of whatever it is that we fail to achieve. Most often, this belief is actually false; the result of negative programming received since childhood. The truth is that most of us are able to do most of what we really want to do … you just have to believe. The best way to start is with small things, working your way up as you notice the limits dissolving.

The more successful you are at assimilating the concepts and processes described in these eleven points into your life, the more genuinely happy you will be, and the happiness will last!

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Be Happy: Do Your Duty Happily without Attachment to its Results #MotownMom ☺

Happiness is not living in a fool’s paradise.

It is not living in oneself oblivious of outside world.

Life is not a bed of roses.

Here one has to struggle and fight for justice.

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All our actions are with a view to some results. But often we fail to achieve that result. Sometime we get even opposite results than our expectations. For example, when we do a good turn to somebody and instead of being grateful to use the person accuses us. Failure in achieving our goal often leads us to unhappiness.

What is the solution to it?

Gita, the Hindu religious and philosophical text, which is perhaps the only religious book in the world that was delivered amidst battlefield, has a beautiful solution. It says,

“You have right to action only, never to its results; never be attached to the results of your actions; but don’t take to inaction also.” Gita (2.47)

How beautiful and unique!

In essence it teaches us that one should do one’s duty without being unduly concerned about its results. It does not mean that one should do whatever comes to one’s fancy without regard to its consequences. In fact, duty means prescribed duty. Its results cannot be undesirable. But the action may result in success or failure. We should not be unduly concerned with this. The cause of all unhappiness is thwarted desires. This does not teach us to be indifferent to the results of our actions and do them indifferently. It teaches us to do our best. If then the results are not as we had expected, we should have faith in God.

Mind you, all this preaching about detachment from the results of one’s action is being taught at the battle field of Mahabharat when a great war is just to be fought. This war is between cousin brothers, and near relatives are fighting on the opposing sides. Arjun has said that he did not want to fight a war in which he has to kill not only near relatives but elders and teachers. Krishna is trying to tell him that it is his duty to fight. The reward is a great kingdom. Yet Krishna is talking of fighting a war at the cost of dying or killing one’s near and dear, and yet doing so without attachment to its results!

Yet, if you come to think of it, it is the best theory about life. Attachment brings uncertainty, worry, and tension. In fact, this non-attachment to the results is very psychological too.

Too much worry about the results of our actions affects the latter negatively.

BE HAPPY!

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An Article On Perfectionism – and it’s not perfect #MotownMom 💘🙌🏾

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is defined as a meticulous drive to attain excellence. A perfectionist is one who has this characteristic.

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‘Perfectionism’ is a most prevalent belief in our civilization. Notice that I used the word ‘belief’.

Everywhere in this world of ours, perfectionism is regarded as good and desirable while imperfection is deem as bad or negative. Everybody wants everybody else to be perfect. Bosses want their employees to be flawless on the job. Parents want their kids to be the best. Perfectionists want their work and themselves to be perfect.

Since it is so strongly regarded as being positive, is Perfectionism really an absolute or universal value? In my opinion, it is not so.
To me, it is relative and is born of human conception. Perfection is an idea. It is an idea of a perceived ideal state of affair. However, things are the way they are. For every circumstances, the truth is what is at each instance. Perfection and imperfection are therefore merely attached values.

I am not suggesting that perfectionism is not good. I am suggesting that perhaps perfectionism can cast a controlling net over our expression of happiness. One can reach the required goal with or without being a perfectionist. To be a perfectionist, on the other hand, leave very little room for one to accept and love oneself unconditionally when a desired goal is not met. And when our desires are not met, we feel unhappy or cannot be fully satisfied. However, the truth is we only have each moment of the Present Moment to live in. By being perfectionist, our mind will be forever planning and thinking about the future or lamenting about what went wrong in the past. Because of these tendencies, many perfectionists are unable to feel satisfaction because in their perception they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of contentment.

From this, we can see a paradox of life. That is:

“How can one have PERFECT peace, self-love and joy when one is a perfectionist? “

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Alone But Not Lonely #MotownMom 🤗💘

In today’s fast paced society, we’ve become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom. But the main thing we wish to elude is loneliness. Solitude does not have to alienating or lonesome. In fact, solitude and loneliness are distinctly separate.

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The death of a loved one or the inability to find people who understand you can leave you feeling isolated. Webster’s dictionary plainly describes loneliness as “being without companions.” It’s natural to experience an emptiness while longing for love or acceptance. Loneliness is therefore an emotive state that can be experienced whether or not one is physically alone.

It was Geoffrey F. Fisher who said, “In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely.”

We tend to fill loneliness with all types of distractions. For example, some single women would rather spend a Friday night with a man they have no genuine interest in, than spend the night alone. They long for a way of killing time while they await the man they are actually seeking. Then there are young adults who are involved in cliques where they can’t really relate to their companions. However, they would rather feel accepted on a superficial level than risk feeling outcast. So what is it about being alone that scares us?

Do not be spooked by the unfamiliarity of silence. Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Only when we are alone, can we have the space and peace we need to think without being outwardly influenced. It therefore becomes easier to make important decisions as well as identify whatever feelings are culminating within.

Get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself. Let the peace and understanding you find better equip you for the commotion of today’s world.

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7 Unique Ways To Make Someone Smile #motownmom 😊

Do you want to put a smile on someone’s face?

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Maybe make their day a little bit brighter?

It doesn’t have to take much time or money on your part. In fact, many things can be done as a part of your normal routine and cost little or nothing. You won’t know how many people are encouraged by your kindness because smiles are contagious.

Try out one or more of these 7 ways today to put smiles on their faces.

1. Write an encouraging note to others that have encouraged you or that need encouragement. Handwritten notes that are given to encourage, not just for thanking someone for a gift, are rare. That makes handwritten notes even more special. Start a new practice of sitting down and writing an encouraging note on a regular basis. You just might start an epidemic!
2. Take a friend out to lunch or invite her to your home for a meal. You will get to know each other even better than you do right now. If you feel like being more adventurous, throw a party for several of your friends and put smiles on a multitude of faces.
3. Give someone an inspirational book to read. You will feel good doing it, reading the book will change the person, and they will think of you every time they read it.
4. Ask a friend or relative if you can take care of their kid(s) for a day or evening. If you have been a parent, you know the value of being able to have a few hours of “adult time” without worrying about the children. Don’t wait to be asked to baby-sit when it is required. Offer to do it at a time when the parent can do something fun and relaxing.
5. Deliver a meal to someone you know that is sick or having a rough time. We have all been sick and know the last thing you want to do is be out of bed. There are also times when life is tough and it is hard to do all of the daily chores. You can be a tremendous help by providing a meal that can be enjoyed.
6. Volunteer time to supporting your local church or charity. Every minute you dedicate to a church or charity will cause many smiles. You will put a smile on the face of each leader just for helping without being asked. You will also be putting smiles on the faces of those that are being helped through the organization.
7. Thank everyone that supports you throughout the day. The list of those that you come in contact with is endless. Remember family and friends, secretaries, co-workers, teachers, Sunday school teachers, pastors, store employees, janitors, gas station attendants, those that deliver your mail and newspaper, and servers at restaurants.

I know this is a list of 7 ways to put a smile on someone’s face, but there is one more way that can’t be ignored. Reveal a genuine smile to everyone you meet. You will experience how easy it is to get others to smile!

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