If you’re a single mother then I imagine you battle with this as well; the balance between nurturer and enforcer. And if you haven’t started the battle yet, then be prepared because it’s coming! Being the loving spirit I am I’m having quite a challenge with this because I know that I while I want nothing more than to sit my princess on high and spoil her rotten, this would do a greater disservice to her later. I want the best for her in life, to have a love and relationship with GOD, to respect herself and others; to be kind, hardworking, so on and so forth. But yielding these results do not come over night, they come with consistency and immediate response in reward or punishment consequences.
My concern is when these consistent and immediate responses are more towards enforcing the law rather than rewarding a good behavior or lesson learned. What happens when you’re now viewed as mean mommy? I’m experiencing this right now, and let me tell you- it’s not fun. In fact, I find myself rather sad at times because my daughter calls me mean or says I hurt her feelings, when ultimately my goal is to teach her and help her- not hurt and harm her. Do I lose my patience at times? Sure. I imagine most moms/ parents do. However, I do not spank with a weapon- as yes, in my book, belts are weapons. I use my hand only and most times her discipline comes in the form of a time out, or me taking away something she wants or enjoys doing.
And to make matters worst, she now uses her dad as a defense when she’s in trouble. Yes, I’m sure you’ve heard it as well, “I want my daddy”. Now that hurts like hell, because I’m the 1 who is with her daily- cooking for her, bathing her, teaching her, busting my hump planning for her future- yet I’m the bad cop. And I know, sure, she’s a child she doesn’t understand. I get that. But I’m still human. I’m a woman with a sensitive heart that I embrace dearly, and I don’t want my child viewing me as mean, just as I’m sure you don’t want your child (ren) viewing you as mean either. So ladies, how do we conquer this nurturer vs. enforcer battle without the results being at the expense of our babies?
I’m eager to hear from you!
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Leslie’s Love Chat and Twitter- @MsLeslieLove