Article: Single mother balance-Nurturer vs. Enforcer #motownmom @MsLeslieLove

If you’re a single mother then I imagine you battle with this as well; the balance between nurturer and enforcer. And if you haven’t started the battle yet, then be prepared because it’s coming! Being the loving spirit I am I’m having quite a challenge with this because I know that I while I want nothing more than to sit my princess on high and spoil her rotten, this would do a greater disservice to her later. I want the best for her in life, to have a love and relationship with GOD, to respect herself and others; to be kind, hardworking, so on and so forth. But yielding these results do not come over night, they come with consistency and immediate response in reward or punishment consequences.

My concern is when these consistent and immediate responses are more towards enforcing the law rather than rewarding a good behavior or lesson learned. What happens when you’re now viewed as mean mommy? I’m experiencing this right now, and let me tell you- it’s not fun. In fact, I find myself rather sad at times because my daughter calls me mean or says I hurt her feelings, when ultimately my goal is to teach her and help her- not hurt and harm her. Do I lose my patience at times? Sure. I imagine most moms/ parents do. However, I do not spank with a weapon- as yes, in my book, belts are weapons. I use my hand only and most times her discipline comes in the form of a time out, or me taking away something she wants or enjoys doing.

And to make matters worst, she now uses her dad as a defense when she’s in trouble. Yes, I’m sure you’ve heard it as well, “I want my daddy”.  Now that hurts like hell, because I’m the 1 who is with her daily- cooking for her, bathing her, teaching her,  busting my hump planning for her future- yet I’m the bad cop. And I know, sure, she’s a child she doesn’t understand. I get that. But I’m still human. I’m a woman with a sensitive heart that I embrace dearly, and I don’t want my child viewing me as mean, just as I’m sure you don’t want your child (ren) viewing you as mean either. So ladies, how do we conquer this nurturer vs. enforcer battle without the results being at the expense of our babies?

I’m eager to hear from you!

Connect with me at www.iammssmith.com

Leslie’s Love Chat and Twitter- @MsLeslieLove

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Posted on February 15, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Being a single parent, I play both roles and it’s so difficult to want to be on both sides of the fence. Yes, I love to coddle my kids and want to nurture and have them love me all the time. But also know if I spared the rod I spoil the child.

    Being the bad person and good person was scary, but the test came when I when oldest daughter at three decided she wanted to play the game of crazy and did something really bad. I tried to skin her alive literally. When I knew I had proved who was going to be in charge and I knew she would try me like a sample I set her away from me.

    First thing she wanted to do was go in her room and pout, but I ordered her to stand there and calm down. When she was calm, I let her come to me and I gave her the biggest hug I could. We talked about something different – Something that made her happy and then she went on her merry way. After another one of these, she started to get the idea that even though I’m the “enforcer” she wasn’t allowed to hold on any animosity for me because I was “doing my job.”

    There are times now my children will just sit next to me and put their head on my shoulders after I’ve been the enforcer. Not to get me to apologize for “doing my job,” but just because they value my closeness and no matter what still love me.

    I came to an understanding about unconditional love on a whole ‘nother level. I don’t think I would have seen this if I had a “father” figure in the house, but I treasure the love my children have for me and it’s wonderful to be able to walk in my house knowing if I do go ballistic over them tearing up things and I “open up a can of whoop” azz over it, they’ll understand “I’m doing my job,” and they’ll still love me no matter what.

  1. Pingback: FREE KINDLE E-BOOK ALERT: Time for mom-Me: 5 Essential Strategies for A Mother’s Self-Care by Mia Redrick #motownmom « Motown Mom Musings

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